Category: Social anxiety

An attention-grabbing post

Post author By Miriam Drori
Post date Dec 14, 2011
10 Comments on An attention-grabbing post

It’s funny how a blog post can grab your attention, even though it apparently has nothing to do with you.

I was immediately grabbed by this one, even though I don’t have schizophrenia. It discusses delusional thoughts and suggests that a better policy, rather than trying to get rid of them, would be to make friends with them and find value in them.

I don’t have delusional thoughts. I have negative thoughts. (Doesn’t everyone?) I’m told that they’re irrational thoughts. CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) says, “Get rid of those irrational thoughts. Swap them for rational thoughts.

So, while I’m talking to someone, I’m thinking, “She doesn’t really want to talk to me. She thinks I’m boring.” CBT tells me to think, “No, that’s irrational. I can’t possibly know what she’s thinking.” But I find it hard to believe the new thought, so I go on believing the old thought. It seems quite rational to me, especially as she’s rolling her eyes / looking at her watch / saying, “Excuse me, I have to….”

Maybe (just maybe, because I know CBT has helped many people), that’s the wrong approach. Maybe I should make friends with my thoughts. Maybe I do seem boring. Maybe if I talked about the things I’m afraid of mentioning, because I’m afraid of being seen as “different,” I wouldn’t seem boring. Maybe if I just came out with it, instead of worrying whether what I want to say is worth saying, I wouldn’t seem boring. Just a thought….

Tags CBT, irrational thoughts, rational thoughts

Books Social anxiety

Friends

I’ve always found it difficult to make friends – not because I don’t want them, although it probably seems that way. I tend not to contact potential friends because I’m sure those people don’t need or want me.

Online friends are easier to make, although the same doubts can appear here, too. When online friends become offline friends too, that’s wonderful. Such friends have the advantage of being able to see inside my head, as it were. Gill is one of those, and I’ll always be thankful that I rediscovered her online.

So I was delighted when I received the Liebster Award from Rosalind Adam.

Everyone says Liebster means “friend” in German, but I studied German and remember that friend is Freund. Liebster has to be connected to love. When I looked it up, I found: sweetheart, beloved person, darling. I’m not sure that’s exactly what’s meant here, so I’m taking it to mean a special friend.

The rules for this award vary from blog to blog. I chose these:

The Liebster Award is meant to connect us even more and spotlight new bloggers who have less than 200 followers – but hopefully not for long. The rules are:

1.Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
2.Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
3.Post the award on your blog.
4.Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the Internet – other writers.
5.And best of all – have fun and spread the karma!

Actually the 200-followers thing only makes sense for blogs that display the followers and aren’t on WordPress so my list is only a guess:

Catherine Walter at My New Notebook. I actually met her in London last year and enjoyed our meeting very much.
Cat at Catdownunder, who lives on the other side of the world. I would love to go there one day…
Rosa at A Farewell to Horizontal Stripes, who has the gift of being able to laugh at life’s tribulations.
Jo at gapyearsthebook, who is over the hill. And approaching the next.
Jean Davison at Jean’s Journal, who needs cheering up.

Do visit them all. And many thanks to all my friends. I love you all.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Tags friends, Liebster Award

Social anxiety

A question that’s bugging me

Post author By Miriam Drori
Post date Jul 26, 2011
4 Comments on A question that’s bugging me

Are the only people who want to read a story in which one of the characters suffers from social anxiety those who have the disorder themselves?

Why did this come up now? Well, yesterday Nicola Morgan posted an excellent piece about why selling books, and not just publishing them, is important. In the comments, I agreed, mentioning that for me selling a lot of books would be a big step towards my goal of raising awareness of social anxiety. Nicola responded:

tbh, you will probably raise awareness more by your blogging and other work. After all, the book would be read mostly by people with the condition already.

One response to that, which I didn’t make clear in my comment, is this: I think that even if I sold a lot of books that had nothing to do with social anxiety, becoming known would help towards that goal.

But what if I did publish a story that involves social anxiety in some form? Would that be of interest only to people who have experienced it? Why?

There are novels about people with asperger’s, depression and other mental health issues. The people who read them haven’t necessarily experienced these things and don’t necessarily know someone who has. Why not social anxiety?

That voice in my head, the one who would like me to give up, says this: In real life, other people don’t want to know those with social anxiety. They see them as boring, stuck up, stupid, weird. So obviously they don’t want to read books about them.

But a story can show they’re not boring or stuck-up or stupid or weird. (Well, maybe they are weird.) A novel can look inside a character’s head at the thoughts locked inside. Couldn’t that be interesting to anyone? Does a reader need to know the sort of thoughts that might be there? Does a reader need to have encountered the sort of incidents the character might experience in order to want to buy the book?

Do you need to have it to read it?

—000—

And that, in a way, brings me to Howard Jacobson’s The Finkler Question, which I just read. But I’ll leave that for another post.

Edit: Do read Nicola’s clarifying comment.

Tags Nicola Morgan, reading what you know, selling books

Blogging Bullying Social anxiety

How should I react?

Sometimes ideas go around from blog to blog. One person blogs about something and others decide to blog about the same thing. I first saw this idea on Rosalind Adam’s blog. She got the idea from someone else. Probably others got the idea from her. That’s how it works.

This idea has a name. It’s called the Fun and Games Blogfest. You blog about your three favourite games. That’s fun, I thought. I could do that.

Then I thought some more about the games I played as a child. And each game I thought about led to thoughts about bullying. It’s not that I didn’t play games in my childhood. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy playing games in my childhood. But my overwhelming memories now are not about the happy times. They’re about the sad times. They’re about the times I was left out of games, or worse – made to feel worthless when I tried to join in.

So I decided I didn’t really want to blog about games I played. But I was still left wondering how I should react. Should I ignore the whole thing and not mention it, or should I write about my feelings? By writing, doesn’t it spoil things for others? The original idea was just a bit of fun. I don’t need to ruin that with my hangups.

This doesn’t apply only in this particular case. It’s true nearly every time childhood is brought up in conversation. I think that anything I could add to the conversation wouldn’t be appropriate. It would turn a fun conversation into a sad and boring one. So I keep quiet.

But I’ve kept quiet all my life. I’m fed up with keeping quiet. I want to speak out. I want others to know who I am. But I don’t want to spoil their fun.

When I attended my last school reunion, I kept quiet and listened to all the fond memories. Inside, I was crying for the girl who didn’t take part in those fun things they remembered. Afterwards, I decided not to attend the next reunion.

But that’s what I don’t want to do. That’s what social anxiety is about – hiding away so that society doesn’t know who you really are. I don’t want to do that any more.

That’s why I don’t know how to react. Any ideas?

Tags childhood memories, Fun and Games Blogfest, school reunion

Books Social anxiety

I’m me and that’s all right

Post author By Miriam Drori
Post date May 29, 2011
8 Comments on I’m me and that’s all right

At the end of December, I wrote some new year resolutions. I don’t think I’ve kept any of them, including the first:

Read at least one book every week.

But I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want to read a book every week. I want to savour books. I want to remember parts that made an impression on me, and think about what they mean. To me.

The book I’m reading now, Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert has a lot to say and plenty that I want to remember. Like: when you interrupt others, you’re saying, “I believe that what I am saying is more important than what you are saying.” And that has to mean, “I believe that I am more important than you.” Not that I do much interrupting, but it’s an insight into those who do.

The book is also full of jokes, which also say something. Like: “Sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

And I’ve never read anything before that makes depression humorous. Maybe I should try that with social anxiety.

I’ve taken so long to read this book that I’ve had to renew it at the library. But I’m totally OK with that.

I’m also not beating myself up over not keeping up with the 80,000 words in 80 days challenge. I can’t write that fast – especially when I also have to work out what’s going to happen next in my story. But that’s OK, because joining that group of writers has made me think about my novel every day and I’ve got further with it than I would have done without that incentive.

And maybe I haven’t kept any of those resolutions, but I’ve kept another one: ~~not to hate myself~~ to love myself.

Do you love yourself?

Tags Eat Pray Love, interrupting, new year resolutions