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Blogging Bullying Social anxiety

How should I react?

Sometimes ideas go around from blog to blog. One person blogs about something and others decide to blog about the same thing. I first saw this idea on Rosalind Adam’s  blog. She got the idea from someone else. Probably others got the idea from her. That’s how it works.

This idea has a name. It’s called the Fun and Games Blogfest. You blog about your three favourite games. That’s fun, I thought. I could do that.

Then I thought some more about the games I played as a child. And each game I thought about led to thoughts about bullying. It’s not that I didn’t play games in my childhood. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy playing games in my childhood. But my overwhelming memories now are not about the happy times. They’re about the sad times. They’re about the times I was left out of games, or worse – made to feel worthless when I tried to join in.

So I decided I didn’t really want to blog about games I played. But I was still left wondering how I should react. Should I ignore the whole thing and not mention it, or should I write about my feelings? By writing, doesn’t it spoil things for others? The original idea was just a bit of fun. I don’t need to ruin that with my hangups.

This doesn’t apply only in this particular case. It’s true nearly every time childhood is brought up in conversation. I think that anything I could add to the conversation wouldn’t be appropriate. It would turn a fun conversation into a sad and boring one. So I keep quiet.

But I’ve kept quiet all my life. I’m fed up with keeping quiet. I want to speak out. I want others to know who I am. But I don’t want to spoil their fun.

When I attended my last school reunion, I kept quiet and listened to all the fond memories. Inside, I was crying for the girl who didn’t take part in those fun things they remembered. Afterwards, I decided not to attend the next reunion.

But that’s what I don’t want to do. That’s what social anxiety is about – hiding away so that society doesn’t know who you really are. I don’t want to do that any more.

That’s why I don’t know how to react. Any ideas?

By Miriam Drori

Author, editor, attempter of this thing called life.

9 replies on “How should I react?”

Exactly as you have done. I can understand why you might not choose to add a comment on someone’s ‘fun’ post about your childhood experiences but here, this is your space. If something someone has posted elsewhere brings up feelings you want to write about, then do it.

Your childhood is part of who you are, how you got from there to here. This blog is part of who you are too. You share as much or as little as you like, whatever helps you.

I just want to say I agree entirely with what Sarah Pearson above has said.

This is a good blog post, Miriam, expressing feelings I can relate to only too well, and thank you for sharing.

Thank you, Sarah and Jean for supporting the post. Sorry you have those feelings, Jean.

How do you think I should react in conversation with a group of people? Go away and blog about it? I don’t think that would satisfy me.

Hi, and thanks for the mention. I don’t know if it was obvious but most of the games I talked about on that blog post were lone games played in my back garden. I think the only playground game had me as the dog (or rather under-dog) in a circle game. I have to admit that I too hated those sort of games. I too have sat quietly at a school reunion and wished it was time to go home. This might not make your memories any less painful but sometimes it helps to know that others have had similar experiences and have similar memories and so I hope that my admissions here have helped you just a little. Take care.

I wonder if we can ever stop being the result of our [painful] childhood, and just get over it. Many people blame their parents for doing [or not doing] this or that and they continue attributing their failures in life to their parents even after 50. Can’t we ever get away from it?

Hi Erika. From your comment, I’m not sure where you stand. I’m definitely not blaming anyone for the situation – just unsure how best to handle it.

Congrats on going to your high school reunion in the first place with all you went through! I don’t blame you for not going the second time, I’ve only been out of high school 6 or 7 months but I’m perfectly content with not going back there again and don’t miss it, haha. I made some genuine, good friendships and I would say I had a good experience, but a part of me always felt older than my peers and out of place. But if I was hanging out with my older brother and some of our friends who are around 24 or so I felt like I could really talk and connect with them better. It’s not true for everybody and there are several people my age who I connect with, but sometimes I enjoy hanging out with people a little older than me more. I guess because they’re often more down to earth and laid back. 🙂

You do sound older and wiser than most of your peers. I’m not surprised you like to hang out with older friends. I was the opposite – young and immature.

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