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Social anxiety

What are you scared of?

Mapelba, one of the blogs I awarded in my last post, has posed another question:

What scares you? What has scared you that you went and did anyway?

I couldn’t answer this as a comment on her blog, because my answer is too big, too all-encompassing. Because what scares me isn’t isolated incidents. I’m scared all the time, every day. I’m scared of every interaction with other people – except for my immediate family. Some interactions are more scary and some less so, but they all scare me and I do them anyway. Because I have no choice. Because behind the mask of a person who’s afraid of society is one who really, really wants to connect with people, someone who yearns to be sociable.

What am I scared of? I’m scared of being tongue-tied, of being unable to express myself properly, of being misunderstood, of doing the “wrong” thing. Most of all, I’m scared of their thoughts, worried they’ll think I’m strange, weird, not “normal.”

That’s the essence of social anxiety, but I’m not typical in that I have never avoided social interaction. I’ve always felt the fear and done it anyway. And despite the theories, it has never really got any easier. Perhaps I need to work at this more, to visit places like The Social Anxiety Parlor (Jon’s mum’s blog, which I also awarded in my last post). The thing that gets in my way when trying to work through the different methods is a failure to see my thoughts as anything but logical.

So that’s what I’m scared of. What are you scared of?

By Miriam Drori

Author, editor, attempter of this thing called life.

6 replies on “What are you scared of?”

Maybe you haven’t noticed it getting better, but perhaps it hasn’t gotten worse. What might you be like now if you had given in to the anxiety?

I scared that I am not smart, that I am ugly, that I am going to die at the same age as my mother. I am scared to even write that down. But I too feel the fear and go on anyway and that’s what matters. At least, I hope that is what matters. Thanks for writing this and letting me know.

I’m scared of being widowed. My mother was widowed at a young age and I know how lonely she found life, even though she had my sister and me. There is nothing I can do about this (apart from making sure my husband keeps healthy)and the older I get the worse it is. All the other things I am scared of like mice, bats are dealt with by my other half. So I try not always successfully to get the most out of every day and not think too far ahead.

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