Revisit or Revise

Sorry – it’s been a while. I’ve been wondering what to write about. Then I saw this question on Facebook from A Soldier’s Mother:

What is the single moment you wish you could live over again? Not necessarily to change anything – just to experience it again?

There were several replies. Most found it hard to pick out a single moment. Me too. What would I choose? The moment after giving birth? How wonderful to relive that moment without having to suffer what goes before it! But isn’t the suffering part of what makes that moment so special?

At this point, I could go off on a different tangent: the value of suffering. But I won’t – not for now, anyway.

So, what other moments do I want to relive? Our wedding day is another significant one. But there are other, less notable moments I could relive. Walking on the mountains of Switzerland or elsewhere, dancing, giving a presentation to an audience. I really enjoy all of those.

A Soldier’s Mother later said she decided not to ask what moment people wanted to change in their lives because it could make them sad. But I thought about it anyway. One moment stuck out. There must be others, but this one blocks the others from my mind.

I was fourteen. I’d been bullied for nine years, although I never thought of it as “bullying”. I decided to stop talking. It was the only thing I could think of doing that might stop them tormenting me. It worked – partially. And I’ve been suffering from that decision ever since.

I don’t deny that my life has been good and still is, but it could have been better and easier and less complicated without it.

So, I invite you to think about either of those questions (without being sad – I’m not). And, of course, you’re welcome to comment below (although if you’re looking at this page of this site – not just this particular post – the comment button is at the top of the post).

By Miriam Drori

Author, editor, attempter of this thing called life. Social anxiety warrior. Cultivating a Fuji, edition 3, a poignant, humorous and uplifting tale, published with Ocelot Press, January 2023.

9 replies on “Revisit or Revise”

I read this post yesterday, and I’ve been thinking about your questions on and off since then. If I could change one thing in my life it would be that I stay at college to finish my A’levels so I could go to University at 18 while it was still free, instead of 32 when it cost a fortune 🙂

What would I change? Asking to see a psychiatrist when I was eighteen because of all that it led to. When I was 18 I made the biggest mistake of my life. Would I have to go on paying for it for ever?

A moment I’d like to revisit? Well, I’ve just realised how fortunate I am because I can think of many. Becoming drugs-free (prescribed psychiatric drugs), my wedding day, getting my book published; seeing and holding it for the first time, finding out I’d got a first-class degree, the feeling that I’d just given a good talk/presentation… Oh, I didn’t know I’d had so many wonderful moments! Thanks, Miriam, for making me remember them.

I don’t know that I would ever revisit a time in my life. Those things are in the past and although I love them and they are forever a part of me, I love the experience of not knowing what is going to happen. It’s what makes life exciting.

The interesting thing about this blog post too is that the question above is in a meme that gets circulated amongst bloggers. I wonder if maybe the lady you are talking about picked it up from there and just focused on the one question.

I’m glad you reminded me about the comment button. I always spend a few minutes looking for it!! I know exactly what moment I want to relive right now. It was the moment last week when I said a prayer and then I leant forward and touched the Western Wall. I know there are many others but that one is in the forefront of my mind right now. 🙂

Sorry to hear you were subjected to 9 years of bullying…my one year was bad enough, I can’t imagine it going on as long as yours did. Bullying is a huge problem and I hope it will be taken more seriously. It is getting worse now I think with all the technology available to use for bullying. Have you read Jodee Blanco’s “Please Stop Laughing at Me”? It was a really good book on the author’s experience with bullying, I couldn’t put it down. She has a sequel too that I still have to read in which she talked about how she used her experience to help others. I’m sure it will be very inspiring once I get a chance to read it.

I think it was more than 9 years altogether. Probably 12. In the state I was in when it stopped, I didn’t really notice that it stopped. I expected it to be lurking in everything that was said to me. (I’ve moved on since then.) I haven’t read that book, but will put it on my ‘to be read’ list. Thank you.

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