I like doing them. Really. I love to stand in front of a crowd of people and deliver a prepared speech or presentation. I get a thrill out of it.
You see, I’m an extravert at heart. Social anxiety is just a veil that came to hide the real me.
Most people with social anxiety are introverts. They’re the ones who give nervous twitches and forget to smile. Me? I’m enjoying myself.
I’ve always been an outsider.
As a child, I hated it. Being an outsider was definitely bad.
As an adult, I haven’t particularly liked it.
As a writer, it’s supposed to be an advantage. Perhaps it is. Perhaps I see things from outside that I wouldn’t see from inside. Or I see them differently. I’m not sure.
I still don’t really like being an outsider. It can be cold and lonely out there.
What do you think?
The surname I was born with began with an E. I loved being ME. But who was ME? Who is ME? Who am I?
I’m a wife, a mother, a sister, a cousin, a technical and creative writer. I’m British, Israeli, at least middle-aged although I feel younger. A car driver, a hiker, a dancer, a singer. I used to be a daughter, a piano and violin player, a mathematician, a computer programmer.
I’m wrapped in an extra layer, called social anxiety. But that’s not me at all. The wrapping has to be removed to find me.
And I still don’t think I’ve worked out who I really am. Perhaps I never will.
Do you know who you are?
.
.
Now, here’s something that people with social anxiety are generally good at. You can tell us your troubles and we’ll listen, without trying to change the subject.
But please, listen to us, as well. We also have problems. It might be harder for us to come out with them, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to.
I have to admit it: I’ve never read anything by Kafka. What I’ve read about him has put me off. I’m afraid I won’t understand his writing.
But I do like this quote:
A cage went in search of a bird.
I think it illustrates my message for today:
No one chooses to have social anxiety.
I chose Joshua because he inspired the name of this blog. Like Joshua, I’m trying to knock down walls. His obviously weren’t as strong as mine!
I love this rendering of the song:
Social anxiety could be called the hidden disorder for several reasons:
SA must be brought out of hiding. I’m absolutely certain of that.
Social anxiety is a lot about being so afraid to say or do THE WRONG THING that you don’t do anything – which is often definitely the wrong thing.
So when I attended a funeral recently and my friend, the chief mourner, thanked me for coming, I just nodded, certain that anything I might say would be THE WRONG THING.
The trouble is, I probably would get it wrong, because I never learned to get it right. I need a Mr Right to teach me, although I wouldn’t want Mr Right’s fate to befall that person. Remember? The more right Mr Wrong became, the more wrong Mr Right became. Oh dear.
I copied this from here:
The fight or flight response is the response of the body to a perceived threat. When faced with danger, the body releases hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones give us a burst of energy and strength by increasing the heart rate, slowing digestion and directing blood to major muscle groups. Although the response is helpful in cases of physical threat (such as needing to run away from a bear), it is inappropriate and maladaptive when it occurs in social or performance situations, as is the case with social anxiety disorder.
You’re telling me?
Dancing is my relaxation. Not for the body, but for the mind. When I dance, I don’t think about work or writing or how embarrassed I feel about something I said or did.
Miriam Drori, Author