Author: Miriam Drori

Author, editor, attempter of this thing called life. Social anxiety warrior. Re-Connections, a collection of short stories, published with Ocelot Press, 15/10/2025.

Bullying Holidays

Home From Home – Day 39

I’m very glad to leave the place of my week-long solitary sojourn and return to the vibrant vivacity if M2’s house. Before that, M2, J and I have arranged to meet at Waterloo for a day out. We all know each other from uni. Planning to meet people from uni has none of the apprehension that meeting people from school does. At uni, I fitted in, joined in.

So I leave my suitcase at the left-luggage office, which is between platforms 11 and 12. (Sort of 11¾?)

I finally get my ploughman’s lunch, so I can tick that off on my list:

Eat shortbread	√
Drink cider	√
Eat ploughman’s lunch in pub	√
Eat fish and chips	√
Eat salt and vinegar crisps	√
Eat scones with jam and cream	X
If summer, feel rain	√
Buy underwear in M&S	X

Unfortunately, the food in the pub we choose is not wonderful – maybe that’s why it’s empty – but at least the company is good.

We visit a museum called “Enchanted Palace” at Kensington Palace. It’s a bit strange but interesting. Then we walk around the gardens and take tea in the Orangery, a very posh-looking place. And I finally get my scone with jam and cream. Mmm. So this is the final table:

Eat shortbread	√
Drink cider	√
Eat ploughman’s lunch in pub	√
Eat fish and chips	√
Eat salt and vinegar crisps	√
Eat scones with jam and cream	√
If summer, feel rain	√
Buy underwear in M&S	X

The underwear isn’t essential; I bought some quite recently. Back in the gardens, someone is feeding squirrels:

In the evening, I finally give M2’s husband the answer to his question. It was day 22 when he asked me what I learned in my life that I wish I’d known earlier. I haven’t really been thinking about this question ever since, but I haven’t had the opportunity to answer – or that’s what I tell myself. This is the last opportunity, so I take it. “I wish I’d known before the age of five how children treat each other. That would have made all the difference.”

You see, on my first day at school, through no fault of my own, I missed the first part of the day. At the end of the day, the teacher gave out drawings to the children. One girl said to me, “You won’t get a drawing because you didn’t do one.” It’s a perfectly normal thing for one child to say to another, but the mocking tone of her voice made me think I was being singled out, that there was something wrong with me. That feeling stayed with me. I expected to be treated differently and the other children picked up on that and did as I expected.

The next post will be the penultimate one in this series.

Tags I wish I'd known, Kensington Gardens, ploughman's lunch, scone with jam and cream, squirrels

Holidays Social anxiety

Home From Home – Day 38

You would expect two people who have got to know each other in an online forum to have plenty to say to each other. After all, they already know a lot about each other, and so they can continue to discuss actions, thoughts, feelings that they have written about on the forum. If they don’t happen to suffer from social anxiety.

Social anxiety sufferers, even those who are verbose in an online forum, can be very quiet in actual, face-to-face meetings. The pressure caused by the physical presence of another person causes them to forget what they wanted to say or worry so much about how and whether to express it that they end up keeping quiet. Well, not completely. They usually manage to talk, but their speech is often hesitant and sporadic.

I say “they”, but I can include myself in that, to varying degrees depending on external factors, and probably every other social anxiety sufferer to varying degrees depending on the person themself (is that a word, these days?) and on external factors.

So you can understand that when two social anxiety sufferers get together, the conversation doesn’t exactly flow. Each one struggles with inner thoughts and worries, and neither is able to make up for the lack of input from the other side.

S and I have met at least three times before. Each time, we spent a few hours together and struggled to keep the conversation going. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy the experience. I did. But when it was over, I heaved a sigh of relief from the absence of pressure.

This time is different; we have more of an agenda. We’re at the boat show in Southampton, a most impressive array of yachts and other boats. The weather is glorious, and we spend our time seeing how the rich live, driving yachts,

(I wish), examining fish in a marine research boat:

and watching a freight ship (or whatever it’s called):

Conversation isn’t so necessary, and so it comes more naturally, mostly spawned by the things we see.

We have lunch under the sun in the dining area – fish and chips. And visit the tourist shops on the way out. In all, a very pleasant day.

In the evening, I see a TV programme about Vera Lynn. She’s 92 and seems very active and alert. Good for her! She is interviewed by David Frost, who doesn’t look all that young himself!

Tags David Frost, fish and chips, how the rich live, meeting of 2 SAers, Southampton Boat Show, Vera Lynn

Holidays

Home From Home – Days 35-37

Post author By Miriam Drori
Post date Nov 25, 2010
No Comments on Home From Home – Days 35-37

My UK-based Twitter followees are complaining about the current cold weather. It wasn’t like that when I was there….

***

It is particularly unpleasant to spend a festival alone. I was hoping it wouldn’t be so, but it is and I get through this, too.

I do enjoy my walk to Hengistbury Head and back, despite the weather, which goes: grey – rain – grey – rain – grey – rain – sun!

I also enjoy watching the last night of the Proms on TV. I haven’t seen that for many years.

Tags Hengistbury Head, last night of the Proms

Books Holidays

Home From Home – Day 33

I can do this. A week on my own is manageable. Any more and I’d go crazy. How do people do it?

I spend a whole day in and out of shops, first in Boscombe and then in Bournemouth. After finally finding two tops that I like, I don’t want to visit another shop. I’ll do without the other clothes I wanted. I buy a 99 and consume it in the Bournemouth Gardens, while watching the world go by. Then I walk back by the sea.

In the evening, I do some writing. It’s good to get back to it.

Tags Bournemouth, buying clothes, living alone, Winter Gardens

Holidays

Home From Home – Day 30-32

Post author By Miriam Drori
Post date Nov 21, 2010
No Comments on Home From Home – Day 30-32

The trouble with blogs is that you can’t say everything in them, and there isn’t a lot I can tell you about the two-and-a-bit days I spent at Gill’s house. We had a lovely day out at Chatsworth House, and we spent a pleasant day just chatting.

I left full of admiration for Gill and Jane, who have been though tough times and handled them with discretion and confidence.

There was plenty for me to think about on the four-hour ride to Bournemouth, but not much of it was about school, despite the fact that this was the connection between all of us. On arrival, I collected the keys to my mother’s flat from the estate agent (is anyone looking for a flat in Bournemouth?) and prepared to spend a whole week on my own. Well, mostly on my own.

Tags Chatsworth House, flat for sale in Bournemouth

Uncategorized

A Happy Memory

Even I have happy memories of my childhood and this is one of them:

This post was inspired by fairyhedgehog.

Normal service will be resumed tomorrow. Hopefully.

Tags Beatles, happy memories

Holidays

Home From Home – Day 29

The day starts at Portabello Road market, where M2’s daughter is selling articles for charity as part of her course. I buy a present for my daughter there. M2 and I then wander through the market and I make another purchase, once I know what to ask for.

You see, when you leave your home country and go to live elsewhere, your native language changes without you knowing it. And the thing I want to buy, which I know as “tights” turns out to be “leggings”. Fortunately, I’m not caught out asking for the wrong thing, because I assumed “tights” wouldn’t be used for both tights and… erm… tights. Other changes have hit me over the years, like the meaning of the word “right” when used as an exclamation.

M2 and I go to Earl’s Court on what I’m sure is a wild goose chase. My daughter has asked me to collect a mask that she inadvertently left in a cupboard in a youth hostel over a week ago. Surely, it couldn’t possibly still be there. But there it is, in a box in a plastic bag, lying at the bottom of the cupboard. Amazing! And M2 kindly offers to take it home with her so that I won’t have to drag it around with me.

After a very tasty lunch near Waterloo Station, I go on to Euston to catch a train to Stoke-on-Trent, where I’m met by Gill’s husband who takes me and Jane (who arrives from elsewhere) to their house where I stay for three nights and two very interesting days.

Tags changing language, left in a youth hostel, leggings, Portabello Road

Holidays

Home From Home – Days 26-28

Post author By Miriam Drori
Post date Nov 18, 2010
No Comments on Home From Home – Days 26-28

Oops, I missed out yesterday. I was too bogged down. In my WIP, that is; the bogs of Scotland are all but forgotten.

***

Three lovely days in Amsterdam. On the first, we visit an art exhibition: From Matisse to Malevich, the Royal Palace and the Historical Museum. All are very interesting, especially the historical museum.

On the second day, we walk 16 km from Castricum to Egmond-on-See. The terrain is flat. Flat! So different from Scotland. On the way, we see a group of children on bikes. “Probably a school trip,” my brother says. “What happens if a child doesn’t know how to ride a bike?” I ask. “All Dutch children know how to ride a bike,” he says.

The walk ends at a beach. I’m interested in the seat cabins people have brought with them.

On the third day, we hire a bike and go for a 35-km ride through the Amsterdam Bos to Waver and along the river Amstel back to Amsterdam. It’s fun and I’m proud of myself – I haven’t ridden a bike for a long time. But, when in Rome….

I hop on another plane back to the familiar south of England. Cheap flights are good, although I don’t enjoy standing for over half an hour to wait for the plane to arrive and unload its passengers, especially as my legs are aching from all that exercise.

Tags Amsterdam, cycling, Holland, walking

Holidays

Home From Home – Days 22-25

Post author By Miriam Drori
Post date Nov 16, 2010
3 Comments on Home From Home – Days 22-25

M2’s house is always busy. People are in and out all the time, phones ring constantly. Despite all that, M2 manages to organize food and other things and can even keep up with my activities. I don’t know how she does it. M2’s house becomes my base for the rest of my stay in Europe. It’s convenient to have a place to leave some of my stuff. She apologises for dragging me to the supermarket, but really even that is fun with her. And I buy things I have to take home, like salt and vinegar crisps.

M2’s husband tends to ask interesting questions. That’s not to say that M2 doesn’t. I suppose his questions are more thought-provoking. He asks me what I learned in my life that I wish I’d known earlier. I don’t answer. I say I have to think about that.

One day, I go to visit P in Windsor. We’re joined by someone I haven’t seen since uni, and later P takes me for a walk round Windsor, where I see the theatre where I enjoyed watching several plays while at uni. All is in keeping with this trip back to the past.

After three days at M2’s house, I hop over to Amsterdam where my brother lives.

Tags Amsterdam, Windsor