Emma is a troubled woman. I don’t need to say any more about her before you read her letter, except to tell you that she comes from the pages of The (D)Evolution of Us by Morwenna Blackwood.
My son, Richard. I don’t even know who you are. Or who you will become. You’re just a name and a parasite at the moment. You battered me from the inside, and now you demand me without end.
I do love your dad, but we couldn’t have been together – not in this town. The old gossips would have called him a cradle-snatcher if they knew who he was. I can’t even tell you. Sorry, but it’s not worth the hassle. And that’s the reason I didn’t shove a knitting needle up me and destroy you – because I love your dad, and you are a piece of him. He’s a good man, and if you turn out to be even half the man he is, I’ll be proud.
I’m sure I’ll know, even when I’m gone. Because I won’t be here to see it. I can’t do this. I’ve tried to stop the drink and everything, but I can’t do it. I can’t live with that woman and be sober. I mean your Nan. I can’t live with her judging me and everything I do; with you screaming blue murder all day. Why do you have to cry so much? Can you sense how shit I am?
You ripped my body apart when you came into the world, and now you are ripping up my mind. You make me think about the future, you make me dependent on that woman, you make me miss my dad, but more than that, you made me lose the only man I’ve ever loved; the only person who’s ever loved me.
And in spite of all this, I’m worried about you. I feel responsible for you. I’m trying not to let in the fact that I might actually love you; that I could teach you about the stars and the Universe and Nature, that I could teach you to count to ten, ride a bike – you might even get the chance to go to uni. But I won’t let that in. I couldn’t even choose you your own name; you got my dad’s. I couldn’t look after you, anyway – I’m a shit mum. I could barely even get you out of me. I feel bad, leaving you with my fucking mother – she’s been shit with me – but she does better than I do. She likes you more than she likes me, anyway. I can’t think. You’ve lost me my love.
He understood me. He knew my dad. You’ve got good genes on your dad’s side. You’ll be okay.
But it’s too late for me. I’m going to meet my dad now. Hopefully. ‘Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again’, they say. They’re wrong about the parting bit.
I’ve lost faith. Good luck, Richard. I hope you find something that makes sense. I can’t do this anymore.
Your mum, Emma.
About The (D)Evolution of Us
… the water was red and translucent, like when you rinse a paint brush in a jam jar. The deeper into the water, the darker the red got. No, the thicker it got. It wasn’t water, it was human. It was Cath.
Cath is dead, but why and how isn’t clear cut to her best friend, Kayleigh. As Kayleigh searches for answers, she is drawn deeper into Cath’s hidden world. The (D)Evolution of Us questions where a story really begins, and whether the world in our heads is more real than reality.
The (D)Evolution of Us will be released by Darkstroke on 4th May. The ebook can be pre-ordered now on Amazon.
About Morwenna Blackwood
When Morwenna Blackwood was six years old, she got told off for filling a school exercise book with an endless story when she should have been listening to the teacher/eating her tea/colouring with her friends. The story was about a frog. It never did end; and Morwenna never looked back.
Born and raised in Devon, Morwenna suffered from severe OCD and depression, and spent her childhood and teens in libraries. She travelled about for a decade before returning to Devon. She now has an MA in Creative Writing from the University of Exeter, and lives with her husband, son and three cats in a cottage that Bilbo Baggins would be proud of. When she is not writing, she works for an animal rescue charity, or can be found down by the sea.
She often thinks about that frog.