As some of you know, my husband of forty-five years died suddenly just over a week ago. I will write a post about his life, but first I want to tell you about the tradition called shiva, and how it works in Israel.
This was actually my first full shiva and the first in Israel. The one for my father was curtailed because of a festival. My mother didn’t have any friends left when she died at ninety-eight, and I also didn’t have any friends in England who’d be able to visit.
What is a shiva?
In Judaism, the shiva is the period of seven days (shiva means seven) during which the mourners sit at one of their homes and people come to pay their respects, give condolences and provide comfort. Those who knew the deceased add their memories.
The count of seven days begins on the day of the funeral and includes the Sabbath, even though the mourners don’t “sit shiva” on that day. In our case, the funeral was on Sunday and so the shiva lasted until Friday without a break.
Who was present every day?
My three children; my brother-in-law, who hopped on a plane in London and arrived in good time for the funeral, which took place the day after the death; my daughter’s husband and me.
Who was present most days?
My son’s wife, who helped a lot, even though she had to care for their little daughter and also to work.
Where did the food come from?
So many people brought food – from cakes, sweet and savoury bites, and fruit to complete meals. We sat and indulged and wondered whether people tend to put on weight during a shiva. When it was over, I stuffed everything into cupboards and the fridge and didn’t want to eat anything. I still don’t want much.
Who came to visit?
There were several groups:
- Close friends, who knew all of us well.
- Family members, some close, others more distant.
- Friends of each of us, who didn’t know my husband.
- Work colleagues, who knew only him.
What did we learn?
- What it was like to work with him.
- Anecdotes.
- The secret to living a long and healthy life. (One of my dancing partners is 95!)
- What a lot of friends he had.
- What a lot of friends I have.
What did we think of the shiva?
We were sceptical at the beginning, none of us having experienced this before. By the end, we all agreed that it works very well and provides the best possible transition between life before and after.
Miriam Drori, Author 