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Israel

Shiva

This was actually my first full shiva and the first in Israel.

As some of you know, my husband of forty-five years died suddenly just over a week ago. I will write a post about his life, but first I want to tell you about the tradition called shiva, and how it works in Israel.

This was actually my first full shiva and the first in Israel. The one for my father was curtailed because of a festival. My mother didn’t have any friends left when she died at ninety-eight, and I also didn’t have any friends in England who’d be able to visit.

What is a shiva?

In Judaism, the shiva is the period of seven days (shiva means seven) during which the mourners sit at one of their homes and people come to pay their respects, give condolences and provide comfort. Those who knew the deceased add their memories.

The count of seven days begins on the day of the funeral and includes the Sabbath, even though the mourners don’t “sit shiva” on that day. In our case, the funeral was on Sunday and so the shiva lasted until Friday without a break.

The last photo of us together, taken at the celebration of my 70th birthday.

Who was present every day?

My three children; my brother-in-law, who hopped on a plane in London and arrived in good time for the funeral, which took place the day after the death; my daughter’s husband and me.

Who was present most days?

My son’s wife, who helped a lot, even though she had to care for their little daughter and also to work.

Where did the food come from?

So many people brought food – from cakes, sweet and savoury bites, and fruit to complete meals. We sat and indulged and wondered whether people tend to put on weight during a shiva. When it was over, I stuffed everything into cupboards and the fridge and didn’t want to eat anything. I still don’t want much.

Who came to visit?

There were several groups:

  • Close friends, who knew all of us well.
  • Family members, some close, others more distant.
  • Friends of each of us, who didn’t know my husband.
  • Work colleagues, who knew only him.

What did we learn?

  • What it was like to work with him.
  • Anecdotes.
  • The secret to living a long and healthy life. (One of my dancing partners is 95!)
  • What a lot of friends he had.
  • What a lot of friends I have.

What did we think of the shiva?

We were sceptical at the beginning, none of us having experienced this before. By the end, we all agreed that it works very well and provides the best possible transition between life before and after.

Miriam Drori's avatar

By Miriam Drori

Author, editor, attempter of this thing called life. Social anxiety warrior. Re-Connections, a collection of short stories, published with Ocelot Press, 15/10/2025.

8 replies on “Shiva”

Thank you for explaining about the shiva. I knew a little, since our neighbours in Birmingham were Jewish, and people arrived for the shiva every day when the husband died. It sounds like a very good way to remember the person and, as you say, to provide a transition. I hope it has helped you and your family a little.

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Miriam, I am so sorry to learn of your loss xx Please accept my condolences x

Your Shiva sounds very much like our ‘WAKE’
This is where Family – Friends and anyone who knew the deceased came to the house where the departed was laid out for everyone to see them and pay their last respects. It was called a ‘WAKE’ as the departed were never left unattended day or night. This usually lasted a week or more until the cortege, carrying the mourners, followed the Herse to the church for a service and on to the cemetery for the burial.
Thoughts are with you x

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Thank you, Elizabeth. The main difference seems to be that a shiva begins after the burial. I can’t imagine having the body in the house for so long, but traditions vary a lot. I was once in Guatemala on the Day of the Dead and watched families enjoying picnics on their loved ones’ graves.

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Miriam, The WAKE at home is becoming a thing of the past; a lot of families prefer to have their loved ones laid out in a Chapel of rest where one can go to say goodbye. I think it was mostly an Irish -Catholic tradition passed down from long ago. The deceased is embalmed and the undertaker visited every day to check everything was ok.

Good thoughts are with you
Elizabeth

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I went to the shiva (is that the right way to say it) of a friend here. His family asked me if I would care to come. It was a good way to say my farewell to him and I felt honoured that his family thought I might want to pay my respects in that way.

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